Have you ever gone down the rabbit hole looking for some bling for your thing?
The other day I was aimlessly perusing the internet only to find myself at the bottom of a sex toy rabbit hole and boy let me tell you- that bad boy is VAST! Although most of it included your typical vibrators and dildos, I did stumble upon some nifty creations and it got me thinking. There are LOADS of toys out there — many of them innovative & necessary — that most people may not know about. So here I am; reciting my findings for you lovelies!
Before we dive in, please note that some of the toys included in this blog are mentioned solely for entertainment purposes (unless of course, you’ve been on the lookout for a $1.3 million dollar diamond-encrusted vibrator…)
That’s right. You heard me correctly $1.3 million dollars.
This vibrator, created by an Australian Jeweler is currently the most expensive sex toy in the world. Now I doubt hardly anyone is rushing to purchase this blue sapphire, pearl, and diamond-encrusted vibrator, but if luxury is your standard the Inmi D-Oro 24k Gold Plated Warming Vibrator may be up your alley.
Made of 24K gold and equipped with a self-warming feature, this toy is the Rolls Royce of vibrators. All the same, it’s not for everyone. And that’s okay, because the list continues!
If you’re anything like me, affordability and function are important, but style also plays a role in your purchases! Crave, a woman-led sex tech company gets it. The Vesper by Crave is not only cutting edge and discreet but fashionable af.
Made of stainless steel and usb rechargeable, this toy really does it all without breaking your bank. You can even get it inscribed (melts)!
Now, I know not everyone is into cute, small, and discreet. In fact, a lot of people are all about SIZE! Let me tell you the internet did not disappoint.
So size is the name of your game? We’ve got you covered. The Moby is the world’s largest retail dildo and as the description says… there are almost no words to describe it.
It’s BIG…50 pounds and 3 feet tall…big. Anatomically speaking I’m not sure it’s viable, but if you’re into big dicks it would make for lovely room decor!
Okay, so you want something more reasonable, but still *big*. What about a toy that’s as rough and ready as your fantasies? Square Peg’s Chain Gang stands (stands!) 14” high, and has a circumference of 7–8.5” (and is LITERALLY molded from a twisted tower of metal chain).
If that doesn’t say big daddy to you, I simply don’t know what does. Actually, I do and it has to do with dragons!
Bad Dragon’s line of fantasy sex toys can help you fulfill your tentacle-fucking ovipositor dreams. These are perfect if you ever watched Avatar or Game of Thrones and had some really creative naughty thoughts…
Some toys are so versatile, you can even wear them! Just like BJ dildos!
Now not everyone has considered giving (or receiving) a strap-on blow job, but they’re here, they can be queer, and they’re oh so satisfying! The BJ dildo allows the wearer to feel all the luscious suction that their partner is applying. It’s perfect for trans men who experience dysphoria when receiving head or folks with clitorises that want a fully immersive experience.
If creativity, sentiment, and art are what you’re after, this final toy truly delivers. You’ve heard of “Ashes to ashes” but what about “ashes to dildos”? Some sex-positive glass artists are happy to incorporate ashes into a custom dildo or adult toy, just for you.
Our friend at Queerly Made Art (IG @queerlymadeart)made this one and can you say “beautiful”?! Cigar ashes were used for this one, but you can even provide cremains for an ultra-personalized memorial of pleasure.
The moral of this story — there is absolutely a sex toy (or two…) out there that’s perfect for you! All it takes is a computer, some free time, and a little bit of inspiration to find.
Think big, wacky, rough, or sentimental… I know I certainly did!